What if I'm HIV positive?
Reaction to a positive result is different for everyone. But for most people, it is one of a terrible shock. Over time, you'll find a way of dealing with it that suits you, but it might be quite different to the way other people cope with it.
If you have been tested positive, keep the following in mind:
(1) Remember that thousands of people live full and rewarding lives despite HIV - you can do it too.
(2) Don’t feel rushed or pressured to do anything or make major decisions until you can think clearly. Major medical decisions should be made together with your healthcare provider and only when you are sure that the treatment strategy is one that you wish to pursue.
(3) Find someone who can give you non-judgmental emotional support. It may be a trusted friend, relative, neighbor, therapist, clergyman or a support group. Even if you have never asked anyone for help before, now is the time for you to ask. If you ask for help, and the person you ask doesn't give it to you, try another person.
If you don't know anyone who could provide the non-judgmental support that you need, ask your doctor, the Body, Mind AND Spirit – ASGS Foundation, the Saba Public Health Department and the Saba Red Cross for referrals.
(4) Arm yourself with information. HIV can bring anxieties. One way of tackling these are through getting information, by learning about your condition, gaining confidence in it, in yourself and making informed choices for your future.
(5) Decide who you want to tell about your status. Who you tell or not is your business and only your business. This is the time for you to think of your personal well-being. You don't have to tell anyone until it feels right for you, until you are ready. Also, keep in mind that telling the right people can provide much needed emotional support and relieve you of the burden of keeping it all inside.
(6) Talk to someone who has already been through it. Groups like Positive Voices (the support group for persons living with HIV/AIDS on Saba) can provide you with peer counselors who have been through what you are experiencing, some of whom are long term survivors. Such groups can be an invaluable source of information and emotional support. No one understands what you are going through as well as someone who has already been there him/herself.
(7) Prepare for your visits with your health care provider. Write down your questions beforehand and write down the answers that you receive. You will have a great many questions for your health care providers. Don’t rely on your memory. Having everything in writing will give you the opportunity to deal with your concerns at your leisure and when you are ready to do so.
(8) Take it one step at a time. Do things at your own pace. Don't worry about not doing the "right" thing, not doing enough, or not doing things fast enough. There is no "right" way there is only what is right for you. So do what you have to do and only you know what's best for you.
(9) Many persons living with HIV (initially) experience feelings of depression or loneliness. If you feel depressed, seek help. Talk to someone you trust or to your doctor.
Where Can I Receive Counselling?
In addition to counseling provided by our island physicians (please visit http://www.aidssupportgroupsaba.org/counseling.htm) our AskAnnie service on St. Maarten ensures complete anonymity for the person submitting questions on HIV.
Who Should I Tell?
Much thought should go into who you reveal your status to, and how you should do so. Unfortunately, it's a fact of life that there can still be a lot of stigma attached to an HIV diagnosis, especially in some cultures and backgrounds.
Telling close friends and family can provide enormous relief and support, but it can also cause problems. Do people really need to know? Do they need to know now?
Your Partners (current and past)
Think through your past partners and if you have had unprotected sex with them before you knew your status, you should consider telling them. This is so that they can get tested too, and start addressing their own health issues, if any. This can protect other people from getting infected as well.
Your Workplace
You present no risk to your coworkers since HIV cannot be transmitted via casual contact. You are under no legal obligation whatsoever to disclose your HIV status to your employer and coworkers. Therefore whether you disclose your status or not is entirely up to you.
In addition, you should not be screened for HIV as prerequisite for employment, although in some industries a screening may be part of the induction process (e.g., for healthcare industries).
You may, however, decide that it is best to disclose your status if you find that HIV is making it difficult for you to perform your job (due to actual illness or side-effects of your medication, for example). Your employer may be more receptive to providing “reasonable accommodation”, such as reduced work hours or a job-share arrangement, so that you may focus on getting healthier. You may contact the Body, Mind AND Spirit – ASGS Foundation for advice and coaching in broaching this topic with your employer.
Your Healthcare Providers
Health care providers can give you more appropriate medical care if they know you complete medical history. Disclosing your status to your health care team is important, especially as your HIV medication and other related illnesses can affect your other medical treatment. However, if you are undergoing an examination or a procedure that is not related to your HIV (for example, at a chiropractor), you do not need to disclose your status.
It is also not necessary to disclose your status to your dentist. All dentists are required to use Universal Precautionary Procedures to reduce the risk of cross infection during dental work. http://www.halc.org.au/downloads/Disclosure.pdf (caveat: the laws applied in this document are that of Australia)
Reaction to a positive result is different for everyone. But for most people, it is one of a terrible shock. Over time, you'll find a way of dealing with it that suits you, but it might be quite different to the way other people cope with it.
If you have been tested positive, keep the following in mind:
(1) Remember that thousands of people live full and rewarding lives despite HIV - you can do it too.
(2) Don’t feel rushed or pressured to do anything or make major decisions until you can think clearly. Major medical decisions should be made together with your healthcare provider and only when you are sure that the treatment strategy is one that you wish to pursue.
(3) Find someone who can give you non-judgmental emotional support. It may be a trusted friend, relative, neighbor, therapist, clergyman or a support group. Even if you have never asked anyone for help before, now is the time for you to ask. If you ask for help, and the person you ask doesn't give it to you, try another person.
If you don't know anyone who could provide the non-judgmental support that you need, ask your doctor, the Body, Mind AND Spirit – ASGS Foundation, the Saba Public Health Department and the Saba Red Cross for referrals.
(4) Arm yourself with information. HIV can bring anxieties. One way of tackling these are through getting information, by learning about your condition, gaining confidence in it, in yourself and making informed choices for your future.
(5) Decide who you want to tell about your status. Who you tell or not is your business and only your business. This is the time for you to think of your personal well-being. You don't have to tell anyone until it feels right for you, until you are ready. Also, keep in mind that telling the right people can provide much needed emotional support and relieve you of the burden of keeping it all inside.
(6) Talk to someone who has already been through it. Groups like Positive Voices (the support group for persons living with HIV/AIDS on Saba) can provide you with peer counselors who have been through what you are experiencing, some of whom are long term survivors. Such groups can be an invaluable source of information and emotional support. No one understands what you are going through as well as someone who has already been there him/herself.
(7) Prepare for your visits with your health care provider. Write down your questions beforehand and write down the answers that you receive. You will have a great many questions for your health care providers. Don’t rely on your memory. Having everything in writing will give you the opportunity to deal with your concerns at your leisure and when you are ready to do so.
(8) Take it one step at a time. Do things at your own pace. Don't worry about not doing the "right" thing, not doing enough, or not doing things fast enough. There is no "right" way there is only what is right for you. So do what you have to do and only you know what's best for you.
(9) Many persons living with HIV (initially) experience feelings of depression or loneliness. If you feel depressed, seek help. Talk to someone you trust or to your doctor.
Where Can I Receive Counselling?
In addition to counseling provided by our island physicians (please visit http://www.aidssupportgroupsaba.org/counseling.htm) our AskAnnie service on St. Maarten ensures complete anonymity for the person submitting questions on HIV.
Who Should I Tell?
Much thought should go into who you reveal your status to, and how you should do so. Unfortunately, it's a fact of life that there can still be a lot of stigma attached to an HIV diagnosis, especially in some cultures and backgrounds.
Telling close friends and family can provide enormous relief and support, but it can also cause problems. Do people really need to know? Do they need to know now?
Your Partners (current and past)
Think through your past partners and if you have had unprotected sex with them before you knew your status, you should consider telling them. This is so that they can get tested too, and start addressing their own health issues, if any. This can protect other people from getting infected as well.
Your Workplace
You present no risk to your coworkers since HIV cannot be transmitted via casual contact. You are under no legal obligation whatsoever to disclose your HIV status to your employer and coworkers. Therefore whether you disclose your status or not is entirely up to you.
In addition, you should not be screened for HIV as prerequisite for employment, although in some industries a screening may be part of the induction process (e.g., for healthcare industries).
You may, however, decide that it is best to disclose your status if you find that HIV is making it difficult for you to perform your job (due to actual illness or side-effects of your medication, for example). Your employer may be more receptive to providing “reasonable accommodation”, such as reduced work hours or a job-share arrangement, so that you may focus on getting healthier. You may contact the Body, Mind AND Spirit – ASGS Foundation for advice and coaching in broaching this topic with your employer.
Your Healthcare Providers
Health care providers can give you more appropriate medical care if they know you complete medical history. Disclosing your status to your health care team is important, especially as your HIV medication and other related illnesses can affect your other medical treatment. However, if you are undergoing an examination or a procedure that is not related to your HIV (for example, at a chiropractor), you do not need to disclose your status.
It is also not necessary to disclose your status to your dentist. All dentists are required to use Universal Precautionary Procedures to reduce the risk of cross infection during dental work. http://www.halc.org.au/downloads/Disclosure.pdf (caveat: the laws applied in this document are that of Australia)
Real-life experiences
When you are HIV-positive, it may seem that you are facing all your issues alone. It does not have to be this way. The web has a wealth of resources and a variety of personal testimonies from people living with HIV – from how their relationships are, how they adjusted to daily treatments, to tips on living healthy lifestyles and many other topics.
Here we have selected a few links that may help you feel less isolated and learn from other people’s experiences.
- Inspiring Stories of people affected by HIV
- Personal stories of Family and Friends of HIV-Positive People
The following correspondence was taken from gaylife.about.com, about being gay and HIV positive.
When you are HIV-positive, it may seem that you are facing all your issues alone. It does not have to be this way. The web has a wealth of resources and a variety of personal testimonies from people living with HIV – from how their relationships are, how they adjusted to daily treatments, to tips on living healthy lifestyles and many other topics.
Here we have selected a few links that may help you feel less isolated and learn from other people’s experiences.
- Inspiring Stories of people affected by HIV
- Personal stories of Family and Friends of HIV-Positive People
The following correspondence was taken from gaylife.about.com, about being gay and HIV positive.
"Dear Ramon,
In your article, When Should You Reveal Your HIV Positive Status? you say, "Always remember, your HIV status doesn't define who you are...The right person for you will stick by your side no matter what!" The latter point is right, of course, but I take exception with the first point.
I'm gay. I have HIV. I found out that revealing your status will almost always result in being rejected. Yet, one has no choice. To do anything less, if getting intimate, would be a horrible thing. My current partner has AIDS. Has had it for 21 years. He's a wonderful man. Living with him, him living, is a challenge. He suffers pain and mood swings, and more, so much more. At this point in my life, I think most are way too insecure to cope with being a serodiscordant couple.
Another point, I've watched those baskets with free condoms in them, for hours on end, in both Atlanta, GA, and in Myrtle Beach, SC, and I've not seen one single hand dip into it before leaving.
I can't prove it, but I believe that way too many (granted, any is too many) are not practicing safe sex, deluding themselves into believing that people who "look healthy" cannot have it, or that asking a prospective trick is enough of a "protection" when they hear him say he's negative- which is ludicrous, of course. After all, the man could be lying, and if he's all too ready to jump into bed then, without a condom, one can bet that it's not his first time, and that means that he's always at risk, given the incubation period before one seroconverts. Maybe he is tested "regularly," maybe it did come back negative, LAST time. But that doesn't mean it will next time.
I suspect, no disrespect intended, that you're HIV negative, given your comment "Always remember, your HIV status doesn't define who you are." Not so.
When I was diagnosed, everything said "HIV" to me. A cut shaving myself. A fingerstick to check my blood sugar (diabetes). A cut from something I dropped that broke in the kitchen.
Each time, it wasn't just a cut.
Each time, it wasn't just blood.
It was "HIV" staring me, in the face.
Knowing that it was "there," lurking in my blood.
Somebody said, years ago, that "one day" I'd stop thinking about it, just take my pills, and go on, daily, without it being on my mind EVER day. I'm still waiting. Not a day passes, that something doesn't trigger a "reminder" for me. Yes, being seropositive is not all there is to me. Just like being gay isn't. My personality has other facets, as well.
But still, it does define me. I am not the person I was before. I am someone else. It changed me, the diagnoses, the virus, the disease.
Some of the changes were for the better: A greater awareness of my mortality, resulting in a greater appreciation for now, for all of my blessing, being willing to stop and smell the roses, being able to be less self-centered, less selfish.
Some of the changes were for the worse: A fear of dying alone, wondering who will be there (if anyone) to hold my hand when my time comes, fearing not death but the all too common slow agonizing death that comes with AIDS. Wondering if I do live to retirement (I'm 48) how I'll cope then, since I won't have insurance and be able to afford medications, will the financial devastation that it might bring to me make me homeless in my old retired age.
I could go on and on, but I shan't.
Much regards,
Love Lost"
In your article, When Should You Reveal Your HIV Positive Status? you say, "Always remember, your HIV status doesn't define who you are...The right person for you will stick by your side no matter what!" The latter point is right, of course, but I take exception with the first point.
I'm gay. I have HIV. I found out that revealing your status will almost always result in being rejected. Yet, one has no choice. To do anything less, if getting intimate, would be a horrible thing. My current partner has AIDS. Has had it for 21 years. He's a wonderful man. Living with him, him living, is a challenge. He suffers pain and mood swings, and more, so much more. At this point in my life, I think most are way too insecure to cope with being a serodiscordant couple.
Another point, I've watched those baskets with free condoms in them, for hours on end, in both Atlanta, GA, and in Myrtle Beach, SC, and I've not seen one single hand dip into it before leaving.
I can't prove it, but I believe that way too many (granted, any is too many) are not practicing safe sex, deluding themselves into believing that people who "look healthy" cannot have it, or that asking a prospective trick is enough of a "protection" when they hear him say he's negative- which is ludicrous, of course. After all, the man could be lying, and if he's all too ready to jump into bed then, without a condom, one can bet that it's not his first time, and that means that he's always at risk, given the incubation period before one seroconverts. Maybe he is tested "regularly," maybe it did come back negative, LAST time. But that doesn't mean it will next time.
I suspect, no disrespect intended, that you're HIV negative, given your comment "Always remember, your HIV status doesn't define who you are." Not so.
When I was diagnosed, everything said "HIV" to me. A cut shaving myself. A fingerstick to check my blood sugar (diabetes). A cut from something I dropped that broke in the kitchen.
Each time, it wasn't just a cut.
Each time, it wasn't just blood.
It was "HIV" staring me, in the face.
Knowing that it was "there," lurking in my blood.
Somebody said, years ago, that "one day" I'd stop thinking about it, just take my pills, and go on, daily, without it being on my mind EVER day. I'm still waiting. Not a day passes, that something doesn't trigger a "reminder" for me. Yes, being seropositive is not all there is to me. Just like being gay isn't. My personality has other facets, as well.
But still, it does define me. I am not the person I was before. I am someone else. It changed me, the diagnoses, the virus, the disease.
Some of the changes were for the better: A greater awareness of my mortality, resulting in a greater appreciation for now, for all of my blessing, being willing to stop and smell the roses, being able to be less self-centered, less selfish.
Some of the changes were for the worse: A fear of dying alone, wondering who will be there (if anyone) to hold my hand when my time comes, fearing not death but the all too common slow agonizing death that comes with AIDS. Wondering if I do live to retirement (I'm 48) how I'll cope then, since I won't have insurance and be able to afford medications, will the financial devastation that it might bring to me make me homeless in my old retired age.
I could go on and on, but I shan't.
Much regards,
Love Lost"
"Dear Love Lost,
You may be thinking how can a negative guy possibly understand what it's like to live with HIV. To a certain extent, you're right. I don't know what it's like to be on the horrible med regime necessary or to be shunned for my status, but I do know from my heart that the right guy will stick by your side. And I'm not the only one. I know plenty of guys that are either in serodiscordant relationships or open to one.
I don't have to tell you that it's difficult being gay. It's even harder being gay and living with HIV. I've found that when times get hard and everyone around me seems to fit the stereotype we try so hard to dispel, I hold on to the one thing that will always be there- hope and love. And if that love doesn't surround me from the outside, I turn inside until I'm exhausted loving myself with my every breath. It may sound like a fantasy, but with a little practice it can become anyone's reality.
Unfortunately, you don't have a choice about your status, but you do have a choice when it comes to your perception of what you see in the mirror. Even if the old you seems long gone, try and make love your self and reality.
Yours,
Ramon"
You may be thinking how can a negative guy possibly understand what it's like to live with HIV. To a certain extent, you're right. I don't know what it's like to be on the horrible med regime necessary or to be shunned for my status, but I do know from my heart that the right guy will stick by your side. And I'm not the only one. I know plenty of guys that are either in serodiscordant relationships or open to one.
I don't have to tell you that it's difficult being gay. It's even harder being gay and living with HIV. I've found that when times get hard and everyone around me seems to fit the stereotype we try so hard to dispel, I hold on to the one thing that will always be there- hope and love. And if that love doesn't surround me from the outside, I turn inside until I'm exhausted loving myself with my every breath. It may sound like a fantasy, but with a little practice it can become anyone's reality.
Unfortunately, you don't have a choice about your status, but you do have a choice when it comes to your perception of what you see in the mirror. Even if the old you seems long gone, try and make love your self and reality.
Yours,
Ramon"